July 30

FL04 AVAILABLE -
FL05 AVAILABLE -
FL06 AVAILABLE -
FL07 AVAILABLE -

We also have available through Frontline Medical....
3000gal Potable Water Tenders Ryans Water Services
Gray Water Vacuum Trucks Ryans Water Services
Handwashing Stations Ryans Water Services, Exceptional Fire Support
Shower Units BrookStone
Tents InTents
Laundry Service Exceptional Fire Support
Low-Boy Equipment Haulers Ryans Water Services
Drivers with 1 Ton 4x4 and Trailers H and H Constructors
Air Traffic Control Trailers Stockdale Fire Support, BrookStone
Copy Service / GIS Fire Dawg
Other Overhead Positions - MEDL, RESL, STAM, RCDM, DIVS, FBAN, INCM
(all OH positions can be requested through Plumas National Forest - Graeagle Fire - or contact Frontline Medical)

This story is from Ken Hood.... those of you who know Ken.... well... this could only happen to him.

Thought all of you should read this in case you're thinking of installing an
electric fence! We have the standard 6ft. fence around the property, and a
few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the
entire area due to the slumping economy.

To kill two birds with one stone and make sure this never happened to me and also
keep our new dog Kilauea on the property; I got an electric fence and ran
a single wire along the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger
that Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then
used an 8 ft. long grounding rod, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The
ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better
the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my John Deere pushmower.
The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for
a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire
and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as
though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand
and the 1.7 gigavolt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the
charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an
upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing
I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My
ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in
the backside of my brain.

Every time that John Deere motor rolled over, I could feel the spark in
my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the
fence charger and the lawnmower was fighting over who would control
my electrical impulses. My dog Kilauea was enjoying watching dad twitch
as he had done so many times before while I was controlling his shock collar.

Science says you cannot poop and pee at the same time, I beg to differ.
Not only did I do it all at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times
in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement,
where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back. It seemed like
there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it
was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto
the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't
let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but
Dad always had those piece of crap chargers made by International or whoever that
were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of.
The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the
permadamp Greenhorn Crk/Bear River bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm
going to have to just up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of
gas.

'Damn!' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower
is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if
it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop & pee
and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please let me die...
please.' But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idling nicely and
remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for #9 Kasey Kahne
himself to press on the gas pedal.

So here I am standing in my own backyard, begging God to
kill me. God did not take me that day... he left me there covered in
my own fluids to writher in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire. I woke up laying
on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It
was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead
grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny
dead spot were the wire had layed while I was on the ground still
holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting
thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my
electrically induced sleep I realized a few things.

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek
(not the left, just the right).

3- Poop & pee when mixed together, does not smell as bad as you might
think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a spotted ape now. Seriously! I think our
little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it
was better than new after that.

7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long

8- I can turn on the TV in the living room by farting while thinking of
the number 4 (still dont understand this)

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I
appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make
sure the fence is unplugged before I mow. As soon as I start the mower Kilauea
runs into his grounded dog house with flashbacks waiting to watch me twitching
on the ground.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, or the dog tries to leave. I
can clearly visualize what my security system will do to both of them, and THAT
gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to
triple check before I mow.

That's funny...I don't care who you are... That's funny.

d

ps. Toaka says..."I'm stayin' on this side of the fence. I don't care what kind of snacks there are."